I forgot what my last letter was

Anywho... been a busy couple of weeks. Except it wasn't, because I didn't do school work for 3 weeks, and now I am grounded until the end of the school year. I finally got the guts to tell my mom about my depression, and she acted like I didn't speak. Not my MeMaw is trying to guilt me into going to bed. It's not like I can fall asleep anyway, what's the point? My life sucks a** right now, and I want to make it better. Therefore, I am implementing a "Get Fit Soon" (like "get well soon" get it? Lol) plan. I will exercise 90 minutes a day. Do a 45 minute work-out in the morning, to work on making my stomach look like the girls in the movies, or my arms, or whatever I feel needs improving. And I will start eating better. I have gained 10 pounds since I started home school, and I wanted to be 5 pounds lighter to begin with! So, I want to lose 15 pounds. I joined this new website, called Spark Teen, and it records all work out time, and food eating, and tells me all kinds of stuff, like how many calories I should eat in a day, and how much I have eaten. It also helps me keep track of exercise. It's pretty cool. I will keep you updated, I just got sidetracked by something that happened. Oh, and I am starting a new blog for myself, that contains my workouts, and eating plans. And how I feel over time.

H is for Harass

I am so done. I kinda want to just move away, and be by myself. Free to do whatever I want, when I want. Bad several weeks, and I want to go into a coma and come out in the new system. I am just so tired... and I see weak sides of people I don't want to. Let me have delusions about a perfect world why don't you?

G is for Giving out

What does it take to get some alone time? Huh???? Leave me alone! I am about to flip out. I just want to go to sleep, and dance in the rain. Read a book with a dog, while it's raining on an apartment in Wash. State that's 30 levels up and all modern and stuff... with an awesome boyfriend and no problems. How's that for a dream?

F is for flustered

I wish that I wasn't so easily fooled. I thought that she was my best friend, that she, you know, actually was gonna be my friend. Didn't I learn my lesson? I  mean, seriously? She switches friends every six seconds. Crushes too. No offense to her, and it's not her fault, but she's not exactly conducive to any kind of long-term relationship. God, it pisses me off. She called Gabe a d****bag, and she has no idea what the heck she's talking about. "He's this, and he's that..." Seriously? You're just pissed he caught you being a bad little girl (heavy on the sarcasm) Done with your bull crap.

E is for Extreme

My day was to say the least, extreme. My grandmother died. Then I got a blue orchid. Freaking awesome! Then I went to Lyss's house, and now Lexi's. I got like, 5 hours of sleep last night, it has made me loopy. I have no idea what I am doing now. I don't mean to sound cold, but I hope I get my own room back. I will need it in upcoming months.

D is for Disorganized

God, that is my life summed up in one tight little ball. I had a total break down today. Complete and total breakdown. I started sobbing, and my grandma is either doing so terribly that she is not coherent, or she's too drugged up to think clearly. I hope it's drugged up. And the doctor was right when he said she had about 3 months to live. Man, she doesn't look good. But it was easier to deal with because Suzi was here. I haven't mentioned this before, but god- I love my Aunt Suzi. She's like the mom I wish I had. She doesn't hide anything from me- like I need to be protected. I've probably been through more than the average 14 year old kid out there, and if it's one thing I don't need protected. And she treats me like I'm as mature as I am. But also, when I break, she's there to hold me and tell me it's ok. She listens to me when I talk, not just giving me an answer to satisfy me for the moment. She sees things they way I do (which I must admit, is pretty fantastic) and she is a REAL person. She doesn't hide the fact that she has been through a lot, and tells people things they want to stay hidden. She is honest, and not afraid to tell you something is wrong with you. She isn't what most people would consider to be unoffensive, she's not afraid to flip you off- but then again- everybody has issues, and really, you can't complain at hers when the governing body cusses sometimes. I mean- don't look at the straw in your brothers' eye when you have a rafter in yours. All in all, she is exactly what I need to get through this. I am so happy I was able to come to that conclusion today.
~~~~ In other news: ~~~~
I am gonna start adding a new little thing at the end of my posts- it will look like this:
Day Rating: **
Song of the Day: Fix a Heart- Demi Lovato
Quote for the day: Never let life's hardships disturb you- no one can avoid problems.
Good Thing of the Day: Family

C is for Content

I <3 being home schooled. I had chili and coke for lunch :) Yummy. I took a nice loooong shower. I get so much more time, and I get to learn however I want, and whenever. Yummy chili... and I don't have to worry bout my teachers catching me texting :)