It's complicated

I feel like I'm always messing up. I can't find the words to say, or the things to do. I try so hard, but it's never enough. I wish it was all over. My family is a mess, I'm a mess, everything is a mess. I feel myself changing into the person I want to be, and I can't express it. Every time I let myself become who I am, I feel better. But I have a major problem. That person in my head is still there, and won't go away. I think about that person every day, and I have no way to stop myself. It sucks! I wish it would just go away. I am over the real life person, but I want to be over the in my head person too!